we almost broke up…damn….but that’s life….then…all of the sudden..we’re ok na..last nyt kc he told me na hnd nsya iinom…eh my family prob kc xa…hnd ko naman xa masisisi about that kya aun…eh mjo ngtampururot ako sknya…sbi ko parang mas nkakawla pa ng prob nya ung alak than me…aun…i told him..hnd nko mgtetext..then  nkatulog ako…aun wen i woke up this morning..sbi nya lalayo nlna dw sya..damn…ngulat ako…it means na mkikipgcul od muna xa..aun…eh di i explained my part…aun..mjo ok na..whew…knbhan ako nun..umiyak nga ko..imagine….hehe… (…i love him dats all…i won’t let that happen again… i can’t afford to lose him… im happy and contented with him…

wag kanga feeling…ang pangit mu naman…anu ba pinagmamalaki moh?>???duh…haha…alam mo dami mung insecurities sa ktwan…!!!hha..NAAAWA AKO SYO!!!!!… grbe…wag kanga LUMEVEL…ewww…… haha…kht pa pgbalikbaliktarin mo mundo…pangit ka at mganda ako!!!….aanhin mu yang pagmumuka mo…anu nb year level mo>>>??????ewwwwww……….hahha..kakaawa ka…..kick out naman…BLEH…… anu b level mo kung itatapat skin..duh….haha…eww…kdri ktlga… kung npka galing mo..eh bkit mhilig ka mgparinig pangit ka!!! haha…kung mtapang y dont u tell dat on my face!!!… tsk tsk….ur pathetic…ewwww…….

he have so many problems by now… and i’m here…infront of my stupid computer…writing a post..and i can’t do anything but write what am i feeling right now…

yes….

ifeel like shit…useless…

how can i make him feel better??? while im very far from him… he needs me now… but how?? how??? how can i help him??… i hate myself… he almost cry… but where am i??/?… dammit….!… oh my.. im here!! all alone.. i want to spend all of my time with him.. but i can’t… i have to sacrifice…

i have no choice./……

really….

i dont have as of now… 

why>>. why??… he’s too far away.. i can’t take it.. i wanna see him..i wanna be with him… i’m scared really scared… but i trust my guy…coz i love him…i don’t want to lose him…no..never…he’s the only guy who made me do many weird things.. i mean…he didn’t force me..but i insist.. despite the distance..i’m still here with him…i will always be supportive to him…especially this times… i know… he needs me… but how can i help him??? in my own little way?? while im not there beside him??? how>>>????

i have to do this..
because i believe this is the only thing i can do….
the best thing that i can do.
i dont want to to this…
but i realy have to…
i love u…
i owe u alot….
but…
i dont want to hurt you.
nor..
i dont want to make u feel bad…
pls..understand…coz im losing my ego…
pls.understand coz ive alrdy stepped on my pride,.
i love u…
that’s all i can say..
pls.wait for me.
coz i want myself to pay..
pls dont liv me as i open my eyes..
pls… treasure the memories that we’ve left behind…
thank u so much for all the things u’ve done for me…
pls..just let me know how and wat shud i do……
im confused and really i dont know wat to do.
i loveyou
and that’s for real….dis is a challenge to prove if we’re realy meant to be.

i’m inlove….reaLLy inLove… he’s a type of guy whom i consider… a guy next door..i hope…someday…. i’ll find in him what i’m looking for… i want to consider him someday as an… ” Husband MateriaL”….i love him so much….really…that’s why.. i can’t help but be jelous of his ex… i think… i’m feeling this way bacause i know he had loved that girl so much.. i’m envious of her… you know what.. i will do everything for this guy… i remember… iwent to his place..early in the morning..surprise him with my kiss and a breakfast…  i can’t explain the feeLing whenever i’m with him… feels like..having butterflies in my stomach….i love him that’s all i can say..whenever he have problems… i want to be the first one to know…coz’ i’ll be gLad to be the first onet to comfort him… i’m really happy and contented now…bacause of him… despite the fact that we have some misunderstandings..still…we coped up with it…oh my…i really love this guy..he changed me… in the past im a certified playgirl..or whatever  you call that…but bacause of him…i bacame stick-to-one again… one thing more… i love his family.. his little brothers… rap & gab.. and his tropapitz as well.. borge,joseph,roald,,and many more……. i can’t afford to lose this guy… he filled up the missing pieces in me… he’s the best guy ever…. he’s very dedicated,thoughtful,sweet,talented, THE MOST HANDSOME GUY ALIVE,,,hehe…what more could i wish for…i have him…i have myself…that’s more important..

Sometimes i wish we nEver met..Sometimes i wish things are easy tO fOrget… I wish i lookEd the Other wAy.. I wish i knEw then whAt tO sAy…its hurt me aLot…badLy..reaLLy bad…

why did our paths have to meet???….. why did you have to be so sweet?? why do my feeLings have to gRow and now why do i hAve tO Let yOu GO….

I hate myself for aLways thinking of you… I hate mySeLf for aLways LonginG to Be with you.. I hate mySelf for aLways dreAming of thing which cAn nEver be True..and i hAte mYSelf for feeLing sO deep inLove with you….beCause I kNow…i know…Everything has an end… and i’m sCared..really sCared..that i might wAke up one morNing…faCing each day… kNOwing that you’re not mine AnYmOre… knOwing that i cAn nEver ever see your face again,,can never ever hear your voice again, can never ever see those smiles on your fAce again… …pLs…don’t Leave me… pLs…

I know that its silly wish’n  you near me….still you should know that my feelings are for  real…to let you go??? …ain’t easy…but i can help but say… “I don’t love you”… “I don’t care bout you…then…in the corner of my room… i have realized…i’m just convincing myself…i’m the one who’s fooling myself…not you….